


Fuck This Shit, I'm Out

by LemonCakeDesign



Series: Almost (Sweet Music) [7]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Curses, Fluff, Fuck Garuda, Lalafell (Final Fantasy XIV), Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 11:56:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21427837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonCakeDesign/pseuds/LemonCakeDesign
Summary: I don't know what the fuck just happenedBut I don't really care, I'ma get the fuck up outta hereFuck this shit I'm outValliant has a very serious problem, Pike. Stop laughing.
Relationships: Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV) & Original Character(s), Warrior of Light/Thancred Waters
Series: Almost (Sweet Music) [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1535039
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Fuck This Shit, I'm Out

Pike is having a very nice day.

The sun is out in Mor Dhona, a rare sight, and it sparkles off the crystals that shoot off of the lake. From where Pike perches on the balustrade, bow in hand, he can see the rainbows refracting on the ground, turning the sparse bits of grass into brilliant shocks of color.

Pike’s ostensibly supposed to be on guard duty today, but the monsters are either enjoying the sun themselves, or have been thinned enough recently to not be much of an issue. He’s certainly not complaining about it.

Revenant’s Toll bustles behind him, the marketplace bursting with ripe fruits and new goods. The shipment yesterday had been much bigger, from what Pike had gathered. Rowena was sure to be happy about the improved business, and that boded well for everyone else in Revenant’s Toll. 

Pike leans his head back, drinking in the sun. He considers taking a nap up here, where no one would find him, but it’s bad form to fall asleep on guard duty. Instead, he stands and stretches, turning to start an informal patrol.

His eyes land on a Lalafellin woman, and he jumps, not expecting anyone behind him. “Gods! You scared me, miss. Do you need something?”

The woman sighs, and puts a hand over her face. “It’s me, Pike,” she says, and Pike blinks in confusion at her. 

“Ma’am, respectfully, I help a lot of people in my adventures, I can’t quite place you-”

“No, I mean, it’s me, Valliant.”

Pike looks at her, and bursts out laughing, doubling over. The woman stares at him impatiently, crossing her arms, until he wipes his eyes and straightens. “That’s hilarious,” he says, still chuckling somewhat. “Did she put you up to this?”

The woman’s eyes narrow, and she huffs impatiently. “The scar on your right shoulder is from when you fell out of a tree in Gridania when a hot guy walked by.”

Pike’s eyes widen. “Holy shit. It really is you. What the hell happened?”

Valliant sighs. “I’m not sure. Bet it was Garuda, though.”

“Now I know for sure that it’s you. Only you would think that Garuda could do...this.”

Valliant glares at Pike, and he holds up his hands in surrender. “When did it happen?”

“Must have been last night,” she says, going to lean against the balustrade. She misjudges the distance a bit, and stumbles into the wall instead. “Came back from a mission, fell asleep...and woke up an hour ago, like this.”

Pike nods, thinking that over. “Probably something on your mission that did it.” He waits a bit, then grins. “Wait. You know what this means, right?”

“What?”

“I get to tell Seren _ you _ did something stupid this time.”

Valliant groans, and Pike’s grin gets even brighter. 

Correction: Pike is having a _ great _ day.

* * *

“It would be one of you two, that would get cursed,” Seren says, shaking her head. “That’s the best I can figure, anyway.” She looks to her fairy, who hovers in front of Valliant, sparkling gently. “Any bright ideas, Lily?”

Lily sparkles meaningfully at her, and Seren nods. “She doesn’t know, either.” More meaningful sparkles, which elicit a deep sigh from Seren. “And she thinks you look very cute like this.” Seren snaps her grimoire closed, setting it down on the desk. 

“_ Cute _,” Valliant scoffs, though she blushes a bit. “So you can’t fix me?”

“Lily’s got your aether readings,” Seren shrugs. “I’ll work on it. Curses aren’t my area of expertise, you know. I work more in disease and injury. Y’shtola or Krile might have more ideas, but they won’t be back until tomorrow. Master Matoya had need of them.” Seren picks up her grimoire. “In the meantime, I’m off to La Noscea, to speak with Surito Carito. He might have more ideas.” She strides out of the sick bay, leaving the Warriors of Light behind.

Valliant lets out a defeated noise. Pike pats her gently on the shoulder, which is _ weird _, because he can barely reach it most of the time. “Hey, at least you’ve got your armor, right?” Pike points out.

“Small victories.” Valliant slides of the exam table, stumbling a bit on the landing. “All my stuff got sized down, it’s _ weird _. I feel violated. Who would do something like this?”

“We’ve both got enemy lists a mile long,” Pike says. “Pick one and blame them.”

“Garuda,” Valliant nods.

“_ Not _ Garuda.”

“I’m going to blame Garuda. Fuck Garuda.”

Pike sighs. “Fine. Anyway, are you going to...hide this?”

Valliant shrugs, and she starts to lead them out of the sick bay. “Don’t think so. Not sure how fit I am to fight, though, so you might have to run solo for a bit.”

“I can offer my services, if Pike needs an escort to something,” Thancred says, as he comes down the corridor. “What’s going on? And who is this delightful woman?” He winks at Valliant, who rolls her eyes.

“Don’t do that,” Valliant says. “Gross.”

Thancred looks so wounded, Pike has to laugh or he feels he may die. “My lady, I assure you, I am only asking your name.”

“It’s Valliant,” Pike says between giggles. “She got cursed with something.”

Thancred goes white. “Ah, Valliant, my apologies,” he stutters out, sending Pike into more giggles.

Valliant waves a hand. “Whatever. Are you incapable of not flirting with every woman that walks through the door?”

“Just the beautiful ones,” he says, unabashed. “Speaking of beautiful, Pike was needing an escort?”

“Not at the moment, though I always appreciate your presence, Thancred,” Pike says, coloring a bit. 

“I’m sure you do,” Thancred practically purrs, and Pike remembers Valliant’s presence when she makes a confused noise. Stupid sexy Thancred, making all the thoughts in his brain go away.

“Yep, you’re a great fighter,” Pike says, schooling his face to a neutral expression. “Great for watching my back.” He gives a look to Thancred, who catches on quickly and doesn’t make the easy joke about watching his back.

“In any case,” Valliant says, giving Pike an odd look, which he ignores. “It’s hopefully just until tomorrow, when Krile and Y’shtola return. Pike can handle himself for a day.”

“Well, my services are here if you have need of them,” Thancred says with a bow, and Pike definitely catches the double meaning there. 

At that moment, Tataru comes down the hallway. “Pike! And I’m assuming this is Valliant, then? Seren mentioned your problem to me as she was leaving.”

Valliant brightens at the sight of Tataru. “It’s odd seeing you eye to eye,” she jokes. “Did you need something?”

“Not exactly!” Tataru says brightly, linking her arm with Valliant’s. “I figured you would need some help adjusting to being much shorter than usual, and who better to help you than me?”

Valliant nods. “Makes sense. Show me your ways, o wise woman.”

Tataru giggles as she leads Valliant off, and the sound of their animated conversation echoes down the hallway. Pike turns to Thancred, and gives him his best angry look. “You _ cannot _ flirt with me in front of Valliant,” he bites out.

“I’m sorry, Pike,” Thancred says, though he doesn’t look it. “You are simply too enchanting for me to ignore. Besides, do you plan to keep this from her forever?”

“We’re just sleeping together, Thancred,” Pike points out, not catching the brief flash of emotion that crosses Thancred’s face. “It’s not her business. And I think she’d kill you if she found out. She gets...protective sometimes. Especially since…” he waves a hand, and Thancred catches his meaning.

“Not with Haurchefant, though?” 

“Moved too fast for her to say anything, I was already in love with him by the time she knew.” Pike smiles faintly. 

“I see,” Thancred says neutrally. He steps close to Pike, taking his hand. “If you do have need of me, Pike, all you need to do is ask. Whatever it is, fighting, a friend to talk to...sex, if you like.” 

“Thanks, Thancred. I appreciate it. I should be fine for today, though. It’s been a quiet one, the stuff with Valliant aside.”

“Fine for everything?” Thancred wiggles his eyebrows a bit.

Pike laughs. “Ask me later on that one.”

* * *

Things, invariably, go wrong, as Thancred soon finds.

“Where did they all _ come _ from?!” Pike shouts, slicing a morbol in half with his sword. “And why did no one raise the alarm?” 

Thancred dances back to him, knives spinning in his nimble fingers. “I’m not quite sure! Weren’t you on guard duty today?”

They stand just outside the western gate, between the settlement proper and the abandoned site of Camp Revenant’s Toll. The gigantoads and morbols have apparently decided to join forces today, disrupting the quiet calm of Mor Dhona that day. 

“Coultenet and Hoary had this side today!” Pike says, as he smashes his shield into the face of the gigantoad he’s dealing with. A morbol pulls Thancred’s attention, and he slashes into it, knives whirling in a tornado of death. 

He hears a yelp behind him, and turns to see Pike snared by the gigantoad’s tongue. “Pike!”

“I’m fine! Deal with your own monster!” Pike slices through the tongue of the creature, and Thancred, seeing that he’s fine, turns to drive his knife into the morbol’s facsimile of a face. It gives a pitiful shriek as it dies, vines shrivelling.

He pulls his knife out with a frown, annoyed at the sap now coating his knife. “Disgusting creatures. Pike, are you alright?”

“Just fine, though I’m a bit slimy,” he says, gesturing to his armor with a bothered look. “I _ just _ cleaned this.” 

Thancred laughs, stepping closer to him. The rest of the gigantoads and morbols have dispersed by now, driven off by their efforts and those of the Adventurer’s Guild, who are now trickling back to Revenant’s Toll. “You still look quite dashing, Pike,” Thancred says.

“Thanks--Look out!” Pike knocks Thancred to the ground with a shoulder, raising his shield to block a large vine crashing down on them. He shoves heavily, and as the morbol reels back, he slices the vine clean off. Thancred watches from the ground, stunned, as Pike bares his teeth, and the morbol shrinks back, recognizing the bigger monster. It’s too late for the frightened plantkin, however, and Pike drives his blade straight into the heart of the monster. 

He pulls the sword free, and turns to Thancred. “Sorry to shove you, I just couldn’t think of any way to get you out of the way quick enough.”

Thancred nods mutely, entranced by Pike. Framed by the sunlight, his armor gleams, and the purple highlights in his blue hair shine clearly through. He’s absolutely beautiful like this.

Pike extends a hand to him, and he pulls Thancred to his feet. “Are you alright?” Pike asks, gently touching Thancred’s forehead. “You didn’t hit your head, did you-oof!”

Pike squeaks as Thancred pulls him into a messy kiss, their teeth knocking together for a moment before Pike catches up and deepens the kiss. Thancred pulls Pike to him by the hips, craving closeness with him. Finally, after a few moments, Thancred pulls back, needing to breath.

“What was that?” Pike asks breathlessly.

“You are very attractive after a fight,” Thancred says, a half-truth. 

Pike laughs, and plants another kiss on Thancred. “Alright.”

“Pike! Thancred!” Hoary’s voice calls out from below the hill, and they separate quickly, Pike’s cheeks coloring. “Sorry we’re late! Heard there was trouble here, me and Coultenet were chasing down another monster. Must’ve been a distraction.”

“The wonders of the intelligence of morbols and toads,” Pike says. “Just don’t run off without telling anyone, again.”

Coultenet waves a hand. “Were it up to me, we would have let the monster lie. It was nowhere near the settlement.”

“And it stayed that way, didn’t it?” Hoary says with a boisterous laugh. “C’mon, we’ll walk you two back, just in case anything else happens.”

They part at the gate, Hoary and Coultenet off to continue their guard duty. Pike and Thancred continue to the Rising Stones, and at the pub, Pike suddenly stops. “Shit, I had a task to do for Slafborn to get someone to take my guard duty. I’d better go do it.”

“Need any help?” Thancred asks.

“Nah, I should be fine. Just a delivery. But, um,” and Pike steps closer to Thancred, to speak lowly into his ear. “Come find me tonight, alright? I have need of your _ services _.” He purrs the last word, and Thancred shivers. 

“Anything you need from me, Pike,” Thancred says, his voice strangled with want. 

Pike smiles, with a slight predatory edge to it. “Good. See you tonight!” He practically skips off, leaving Thancred standing there, feeling rather weak in the knees. He shakes his head, and goes off to splash some cool water in his face and calm down a bit.

Neither of them notice the Lalafell standing in the shadows, watching them.

* * *

Pike returns a bit later than he hoped, but in good spirits. He hums to himself as he enters the Rising Stones, waving to the Scions by the bar. Thancred is nowhere to be found, but that’s not unusual at this time. He just hopes that he’s not asleep already.

Pike makes his way down the corridor towards his room, a spring in his step. He briefly looks into Valliant’s room, but doesn’t see her, and assumes she’s with Tataru still, or perhaps bugging Seren for updates. When he enters his room, he makes his way to the wall switch, and light floods his room. 

He turns, and instantly jumps at the sight of Valliant, sitting primly on his bed. “Menphina above, Valliant! Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Why are you in my room?”

“I heard a rumor-”

“Seriously, were you just sitting in the dark like a stalker, waiting for me to come back?” Pike blazes on, not even noticing her starting to speak. “How long have you been sitting here, anyway? And is that my knife? Why do you have my knife?”

“Gods, Pike, shut your mouth for one second!” Valliant complains. She tosses the knife aside. “You ruined my whole speech. I was going to be very intimidating.”

“Looking like that? Sure.” Pike snorts, ignoring her scandalized look. “Why, exactly, did you need to be intimidating?” He crosses over to the bed and plucks the knife off the bedspread.

“Because you’re keeping something from me,” Valliant says. “And I want to know what.”

“Gonna have to be more specific, on that. I’m keeping a lot from everyone.” Pike glances around the bed, distracted. “Where’s the sheath for this one?”

“On the desk, where I found it.” Pike makes a noise of acknowledgement and turns to the desk, picking up the sheath. “What’s going on between you and Thancred?”

Pike’s hands pause very briefly as he slides the knife into the sheath. “Nothing? Not much more than what’s going on between him and you, I’d wager.”

“Cut the crap, kid. _ Something’s _ up, with the way you two were acting today. Since when do you flirt with him?” Pike hears her shift on the bed, and turns to catch her crossing her arms. 

“I’ve always flirted with Thancred,” Pike shrugs, pulling a mask of calm over himself. “I flirt with everyone.”

“Not like that. Not with _ intent _ .” Valliant stands, which makes it harder for Pike to take her seriously. She’s just so much _ shorter _.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Vall. There’s nothing going on.”

“Oh? So he’s not coming to your room tonight?”

Pike’s going to have to cancel, regretfully. Or get an inn room, but that’s a bit much of a length to go to. “Nope.”

A knock at the door interrupts them, and Pike curses internally. Valliant sends him a triumphant look. “That’s not him behind the door, then?”

“If it is, he could be here for any myriad reasons,” Pike says, turning to open the door.

Thancred stands outside, naturally, holding a bottle of wine. Of _ all _ nights, he picks tonight to be romantic. “Hey,” Thancred says. “Sorry if bringing the wine was presumptuous, I thought it might--” He’s cut off by Pike clamping a hand over his mouth.

“Run.” Pike yanks the bottle out of his hands and slams the door. Valliant gives a war cry, and charges the door, bursting it open. Pike glances past her, to see Thancred running down the corridor, and a Lalafell barreling down after him, shrieking angrily.

Pike gives Thancred five minutes before she catches him, ten if he manages to hide fast enough. Enough time for him to open the wine, at least. He sighs as he yanks open a drawer, pulling out a corkscrew.

_ And I was having such a great day, too _, he thinks, taking a long drag of the wine straight from the bottle.

* * *

He catches up with Valliant and Thancred in the main lobby of the Rising Stones. Arenvald, Hoary, Coultenet, and Riol make up the Scions present tonight, and they stand in a loose circle watching Valliant beat on Thancred. Thancred, for his part, is simply dodging.

“My precious _ son _,” Valliant shrieks, swinging at Thancred. He blocks the blow, and shakes his hand at the impact. “My darling boy, light of my life, the only child I have in the world--”

“Aren’t you going to stop her?” Riol asks Pike, who takes another drag out of the wine.

“Nope. His own damn fault for flirting with me in front of her.”

Riol nods at that, and turns back to melee.

“He’s still so young, you cad!”

“He’s a consenting adult,” Thancred points out, which incenses Valliant further and she swings harder. Thancred barely ducks the punch.

“He’s still in _ mourning _ , you goblin knocker! And you take advantage of him!” 

“What the hell is a goblin knocker?” Hoary asks Coultenet. He shrugs.

“And you sleep around on him!” Valliant lands a good, solid punch on Thancred, drawing blood as she splits his lip. Pike sighs and hands his wine to Riol.

“You lot having fun dragging my sex life out into public?” Pike says, grabbing Valliant’s arm as she reels back for another punch. “Because I sure am. Doors open any day of the week, fellas! Clearly I’m good enough for Thancred to take a punch for,” he calls to the surrounding Scions. Arenvald lets out a wolf whistle and Pike shoots him a smile. “Clear out now, you nosy fools. Bit of privacy needed now.”

The group disperses, Riol gesturing with his wine and setting it on a nearby table. Thancred smiles at Pike, wiping the blood from his lip. “You’re worth a thousand punches.”

“Shut up, unless you want her to punch you again.”

“Yes, darling.”

Pike sighs, and he turns to Valliant. “Are you done?”

“Not even close. That swiving whoreson, I’ll--”

“You’ll what? Hit him again? Try it, he only gets sexier the more you do.” Pike lets go of her arm, and steps in front of Thancred, just in case she gets any ideas. Thancred’s hand reaches out, and Pike sends him a Look. “Hands off for now.”

“Pike, he’s much too old for you,” Valliant says.

Pike snorts. “Not the oldest I’ve had.”

“Gross.”

“You stuck your nose in my sex life, you hear things you don’t want to.”

“Fine, how about the fact that he’s been sleeping around on you?”

“I sleep around on him, too.” Thancred makes an odd noise at that, which Pike ignores. “I’m twenty-five, I’m in the prime of my life. Got any other stellar arguments? Bring up my dead husband again, that one was fun to hear.”

Valliant softens, her face growing guilty. “Pike, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I just--”

Pike cuts her off. “You’re just looking out for me, I get it. Gods know I’ve needed it in the past. But do you think there might’ve been a _ reason _ I didn’t tell you about this?”

Valliant looks off to the side. “Didn’t really think much. Kinda just got angry.”

“Mmhmm. This is why you get cursed, and I get a hot piece of ass.” Pike tosses a wink to Thancred, who smiles back. “I let you get one good punch in, because Thancred does kind of deserve it, but that’s it, okay? I’ll have sex with whoever I want to, and as long as we’re all consenting adults, it’s none of your damn business. No more punching.”

Valliant sighs. “Not even if he hurts you?”

“If there’s anything left, then yes, you can punch him then. You’ll have to take a number, though, I’m pretty sure Shtola will get him first.”

“I don’t know which is a worse prospect,” Thancred says with trepidation.

“That’s after _ I’m _ through with you, hot stuff.” Pike smirks at Thancred’s blanching. “So don’t make me cry. Unless I ask.”

Valliant makes a disgusted noise. “I get it, kid. You’re mad, stop torturing me.”

“Nah, it’s too funny to see your reactions.” Pike laughs. “I’m not too mad, anyway. I get where you’re coming from, but I’m an adult. I’ve _ been _ an adult, since you’ve known me. Trust I can make my own decisions, okay?”

Valliant nods. “Okay.” Then she frowns. “I want to pat your head, but you’re too far away. I hate this.”

“I love this. I get to feel tall for once.” Pike says, but he kneels for Valliant to pat him on the head. “That’s weird. This is weird. I’m taking Thancred back to my room, now.”

He swipes the wine off the table and leads Thancred to the hallway. Pike turns to address the room before he leaves. “No word of this to _ anyone _, any of you,” Pike threatens, pointing meaningfully at the Scions, who didn’t go very far and definitely eavesdropped on the whole conversation. “I won’t have my business all over Revenant’s Toll, unless I put it there. I mean it. Anyone who does, ends up seriously maimed the next morning.”

Leaving the room in semi-stunned silence, Pike leads Thancred back to his bedroom. He hands him the wine and sits him on the bed, looking at his cut lip.

“Aw, she really did a number on you,” Pike says, and he turns to grab a clean cloth from his bathroom, wetting it in the sink. 

He gently brushes the blood from Thancred’s lip, and Thancred hisses at the pain. “Did you have to let her hit me?”

“You know what you did.”

Thancred pauses, then nods. “I cede to your point.”

“Mmhmm. I have to admit, watching you get beat up by a tiny Lalafell was quite funny.”

“I’m glad you took some humor out of the situation, darling.”

“Where’d that one come from?” Pike asks, tossing the cloth aside. He’ll clean it up later. “Darling, I mean.”

Thancred grabs Pike’s hips, pulling him down to straddle him. “Not sure,” he murmurs, kissing up Pike’s neck. “Just came out.”

“I like it.”

“Then I’ll keep using it.” Thancred reaches Pike’s lips, but he pauses before kissing him. “Did you mean it, when you said you were sleeping with other people?”

“Yes?” Pike threads his arms around Thancred’s neck. “Why?”

“I’m not.” Thancred says simply.

Pike pulls back. “You’re not?”

“Haven’t slept with anyone else in moons, now.”

Pike bites his lip. “Thancred...I don’t...I’m not here for a relationship. Not right now, not so soon.”

“I’m not asking for that,” Thancred says. “I don’t want a relationship, either.”

“But you’re only sleeping with me,” Pike sighs. “Do you know how that seems, to hear that?”

“I’m well aware,” Thancred says, his hands shifting on Pike’s hips nervously. “It’s not an emotional thing.”

“I…” Pike pulls back further. “I don’t want to hurt you, Thancred. This is fun, but if you’re feeling something I’m not, I don’t--”

Thancred cuts him off. “I’m not feeling anything, okay? I just don’t want to put in the effort with anyone else.”

Pike bites his lip again. He gets the sense that Thancred isn’t being entirely truthful, but he doesn’t want to argue with him right now. “Okay,” he says, with a sigh. “If that’s what you want. But...if it changes...if you start to feel something deeper, let me know, okay?”

“Hm...well, right now…” Thancred’s mouth moves back down to Pike’s throat. “I think I feel like I want you.”

“Oh, do you?” Pike smiles, and lets himself enjoy the moment.

* * *

Y’shtola and Krile arrive the next day, along with Seren, back from La Noscea. Pike chances on them in the main room of the Rising Stones, and he sits himself at the table with them.

“Did you tell them yet?” Pike asks, as he sits.

“Not yet,” Seren says, as Y’shtola and Krile send them confused looks. “Valliant has been...well, here she comes. See for yourself.”

Valliant walks (waddles? the way Lalafell walk is so odd to Pike) into the room, rubbing her eyes. Her right hand is a painting of blue and fading green. “Morning, all,” she says.

“Oh, my,” Krile says. “You look...different.”

“On account of being a Lalafell? Yeah, I’d say I look different.”

Y’shtola gives a soft “aha” at that. “That’s what it is. Your aether looks much the same, though condensed into a smaller form. I believe I know what ails you.”

Valliant climbs up the chair next to Y’shtola. “What is it?

“Have you ever heard of a potion called Fantasia?”

“Hang on, didn’t...oh, who gave me one of those?” Valliant looks over to Pike, who shrugs. 

“Ah, you have. Good. They are very rare, I’m surprised you got a hold of one.” Y’shtola doesn’t look much surprised. “You must have taken it by accident. They are mainly used in deep clandestine spy missions.”

Pike’s eyes widen. “I’ve heard of those! But...don’t they need to used with purpose?”

“Normally, yes, though if it were taken by accident…” Y’shtola stands, peering into Valliant’s aether. “Yes, it is as I thought. You should be able to simply will yourself back. It likely just copied the first race you thought of after taking it.”

“I ran into Tataru when I came back. That explains why that elixir didn’t do much for me, then.”

“Quite. Now, you’ll want to be naked for this, so I suggest privacy.”

Valliant nods. “Wait, then how did my clothes get changed?”

Y’shtola pauses. “I have...no earthly idea. Best will for that to be changed back with your person.”

“Stupid magic potion,” Valliant says, hopping down from the chair. She hisses as she knocks her hand on the side of the chair. “Stupid Thancred, making me punch his stupid face.”

Pike rolls his eyes. “You didn’t _ have _to punch him.”

Krile’s eyes dart between them, her expression plainly confused. “What’s this about Thancred getting punched?”

Thancred chooses that moment to stumble out into the main room. “Need tea,” he mumbles, walking towards the bar. He notices everyone in the room staring at him. “What?”

Krile giggles. “You’re wearing Pike’s shirt. My, I had no idea you two were...so close.”

Pike groans and lays his head on the table.

**Author's Note:**

> The working title was "The one where Valliant becomes a Lalafell and punches Thancred" and if I wasn't so dedicated to the aesthetic of each one having song lyrics as the title, I would've left it. The song is, of course, "Fuck This Shit, I'm Out" by The Theme Song.
> 
> This was fun to write! The inspiration was Valliant being fantasia'd to a Lalafell for a time (she's normally a Roe), and we were joking that Garuda cursed her. Cause, like, fuck Garuda. And we talked about how Valliant would definitely punch Thancred when she found out he had sex with Pike, so it seemed like it would be funny to combine them.
> 
> Anyway it'll be a while before the next fic goes up. I'm gearing up to cover Stormblood and that's gonna take some planning and consideration. Please be excited!


End file.
